Big News

omg you guys.  WE HAVE A NEW PET.

IT'S A WOOLLY WORM, YA'LL
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shockingly enough, I found it in this room that is barely used downstairs called the "laundry room" (??) ... and as I was switching the laundry (!!!!) I looked down and THERE IT WAS.

I shot upstairs to get The Bug House that I bought for myself Logan a few weeks ago at a garage sale for $1 (um, the same garage sale where I scored 2 tennis rackets for $4 ALONG WITH A BABYSITTER, WOOOOT WOOOOT!!!!!) and then showed him to Logan.

Me:  "LOGAN!  look at what we have now!!!  A WOOLLY WORM!!!!!!  Isn't this awesome??  He is our pet.  What should we name him?  Want to name him Willy?  Let's name him Willy."  ::calm down, you manic freak::

Logan:  "Daddy.  His name Daddy." 

Daddy it is.

Then we did a little research on woollyworm.com and discovered many interesting facts about Daddy.  (Did you know the severity of winter can be predicted by the color of Daddy's fur?  Shit man, these things are wild.  Oh, it's going to be a harsh winter, btw.  Batten down the hatches.) 

After that, I texted Willis to let him know about our new pet. 

[picture text to Willis - 2:59PM, Oct 4]:  "Meet our new pet.  Woolly worm.  His name is Daddy." 

[text from Willis - 3:01PM, Oct 4]:  "Awesome."

Then, 20 minutes goes by.

[text from Willis - 3:21PM, Oct 4]:  "Did you put some leaves in there for food?  It might want a snack"

Hilarious!  First of all, I wonder if Willis was sitting there stewing for 20 minutes about Daddy not eating?  Secondly, if Willis knew anything about Daddy he would know that Daddy doesn't eat leaves.  He prefers a medley of grass, clover, spinach and cabbage. 

See for yourself!!!!

Daddy really hates solicitors.



Daddy is really settling into his new digs.

Peace out, everyone.  Kilham table for 5! 

Delusional

Before I had kids, I had these great visions of what my life was going to be like as a stay at home mom.  And by great visions I mean TOTAL DELUSIONS. 

Let's discuss a few of those, shall we?

DELUSION:  The nursery is going to be stylish, sophisticated, and peaceful.

nursery delusion exhibit A

REALITY:  Lauren, will you please stop pulling the garbage bags off the window every time I change your diaper?  It's super annoying and I'm running out of duct tape.  And that laundry on the ottoman isn't going to fold itself.  Meh, I'll just grab shit out of there as I need it.

nursery reality exhibit B

 
DELUSION:  My children are always going to have fresh, nutritious snacks that are prepared with love, since I will have so much time on my hands considering all I am is a mom [NOPE NO TONE THERE, YOU READ IT WRONG.  NO TONE]. 


delicious nutritious snack delusion exhibit A

REALITY:  [at deli down the street] "Mama, can I have that big bag of pretzels?"  "yup.  Here." 

delicious nutritious snack reality exhibit B

delicious nutritious snack reality exhibit C

 

DELUSION:  I am going to have an awesome garden at my house.  Definitely with a water feature for relaxation. 

 

relaxing garden delusion exhibit A

 

REALITY:  Dude, I know when we saw this house before we bought it there was a tiny pond back up in here.  WHERE THE HELL IS IT?  I'm just going to hack away at all of these giant plants until I find it.  And then just leave these shears out here for like 7 days until they get all rusty, then I'll put them away. 

 

relaxing garden reality exhibit B

 

DELUSION:  I love DIY.  Since my kid is ripping the doors off their hinges at every nap and bedtime, maybe I'll put a cute shower curtain up like I saw on Pinterest.

 

cute shower curtain closet door delusion exhibit A

REALITY:  nailed it!  And yes, my 2 1/2 year old is still in a crib.  JUDGE AWAY. 

 

cute shower curtain closet door reality exhibit B

 

DELUSION:  I'm not going to be one of those moms that lets herself go.  I can still be cute, stylish and skinny.  Why get frazzled?  It only wastes precious energy.  I can totally look like this:

 

non frazzled mom delusion exhibit A

 

REALITY:  lookin' good, lady.  Keep it up. 

 

non frazzled mom reality exhibit B