Friday, May 27, 2011


Yesterday as Willis and I were driving home from dinner, I said to him [cheesy alert!] "there is nothing more precious to me than that little baby."  [long pause]  "Oh, and you of course."  Then Willis said, "it's ok -- I know if you had to only choose one of us you'd pick him, because if I had to do the same, Logan would win."

Well, at least we know where we both stand! 

Here are two pictures from this whole baby experience that I think are just HILARIOUS:

(#1:)  I don't remember this photo being taken.  But there I am, post surgery, waving away as they wheeled me to my room.  I was on morphine for the first few days of Logie's life and hardly remember a thing because of this whole medicine-wearing-off-in-the-middle-of-the-csection-and-having-to-GO-UNDER-incident.  I think this picture is just so funny. 

look at that little hand.

(#2.)  This is when Logie Bear was at his extreme fussy stage (when Willis and I both openly admitted that we weren't sure about this whole having a baby gig).  It just sums up our lives so perfectly.  There's Daisy, looking crazy as always, Logie Bear wailing away (per his usual self at that time in his little life), and Willis just smiling away through it all in his Miami Vice Big Chair.

mi familia.
Anxiously awaiting a response to another house offer......................

Thursday, May 26, 2011

square one

Bye bye, Rat Castle.  I really loved you, but it just wasn't meant to be.  Your owners turned into total d!cks (or my new favorite phrase, douchecanoes -- omg so crass but I just love that word) because they decided, after all, that they didn't want to sell their house.


In summary:
- Monday, after being jerked around:  Sent email to realtor saying "please tell the owners we want to exercise our option to cancel the contract."  I HAD also written "and tell them good luck selling their rat house" but Willis made me take that part out. 

- Realtor doesn't cancel contract that evening as asked because she was researching another offer we were about to make on another house, and we had until midnight the next night to opt out (her words were "Ali, are you SURE you aren't just doing this out of spite?")  [WHO, ME? do something purely based on emotions?  Nah.  Wrong girl....I'm very sound when it comes to this sort of stuff.....], giving Rat Castle owners more time to come back the next morning and say that they WOULD in fact fix the attic (I was demanding they strip out all of the insulation and add in new, non-rat-shit-infested insulation which they at first said no to doing).  Wow that was a really long sentence.  HOWEVER, they wouldn't just give us the money for it... they would only pay the contractors... like we couldn't be trusted with the $1K in cash.  WTF is wrong with these people?  Seriously. 

- We were ABOUT to go for it again when I asked for their utility bills at the 11th hour.  Almost $400 a month in the summer to cool your rat-infested house with the 23 year old a/c units that will both likely croak in a year, costing us around 12k?  No thanks.  Oh and your attic has raccoons and squirrels, too, people.

So, while in the end I wanted to "win" by still buying Rat Castle when they didn't want to sell it anymore, Willis responsibly reminded me that this was in fact an investment decision that should be made by looking at numbers on paper, not by trying to "win" a stand-off.

Yes, I am self aware enough to know "how I am."


Willis had to be out of town the last two nights (sad circumstances), and I survived!!  It turns out I wouldn't starve to death if left on my own as previously thought. 

crying baby gotta go

Thursday, May 19, 2011

The Inspection.

Home inspection.

I was half expecting to hear that the house was sinking into quick sand or that the roof was made of Reynolds Wrap just because  Well, the house isn't sinking and the roof is indeed made of materials other than aluminum foil, but we got some other news that I.WAS.NOT.EXPECTING.

Jimmy the Inspector (who was wearing striped tube socks in the house, sans shoes) was about 15 minutes into explaining his findings to us when he brought up The Attic.  I was feeling really calm and confident about my new house [THOUGHT PROCESS: that's all you've got? a few buckled shingles?  this house is so perfect just like I knew it was...].  I had even kind of started tuning out Jimmy the Inspector, all the while wondering why he chose those socks when he was getting dressed this morning...


Jimmy the Inspector: "Oh yeah, and in the attic there is evidence of rat activity."

[a few seconds pass while I stop starting at my precious sleeping baby and realize what this man has just told me]

me: "Excuse me?  Did you say RAT activity?"

Jimmy the Inspector:  "Yes ma'am.  And the insulation isn't up to new energy standards, and th-..."



Jimmy the Inspector:  "Yes ma'am.  I didn't come face to face with any of 'em, but they're up there.  Pretty common here.  Those and 'coons, I mean be glad you don't have 'coons up there."

me: "Jimmy, I would rather you tell me there was a HOMELESS MAN living in my new attic than rats.  RATS????"

Jimmy the Inspector of course thought this was just so hilarious.  And the rest of the time as he was explaining his findings, all I could do was focus on THE RATS

Jimmy the Inspector:  "The insulation needs to be replaced in the attic, it's not as thick as it should be."

me: "Oh I'm sure that's just from The Rats sleeping on it over time.  You know, kind of flattened a little from the weight of all of the rats."

Jimmy the Inspector: "The AC unit is filthy, it needs to be serviced."

me:  "Probably from all of the rat fur."

Jimmy the Inspector:  "There is a random leak stain of unknown origin right there."

me:  "Oh I'm sure it's just where the rats urinate."

And on and on.

Lise told me it might be a deal breaker for her, so when I told Willis that he got nervous said, "I bet Lisa has them in her attic too and she just doesn't know." So I made sure to tell her this immediately, to which she answered, "Maybe... but at least our inspector didn't find rat beds in our insulation.... ignorance is bliss baby!!"

So now it all comes down to this:  How badly do I want this house?  I mean would it be unreasonable to keep an exterminator on retainer?  Or better yet... have him move into the guest room??  Sorry, Mimi and Pops, you can sleep in the garage when you visit next -- Randy the Exterminator has moved into the other guest room.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011


I think I'd rather listen to Logan scream and cry while in the process of working on a massive Hershey roadway diaper (think: amplified wet whoopie cushion) than have to listen to another Rihanna song.  Actually, no, I don't think I'd rather do that - I KNOW.

That is all.
OH WAIT no it's not -- WE GOT THE HOUSE! 

Everything is set on our end; now time for the inspection tomorrow.  If these people are anything like they were during the contract negotiations, I think we are in for a real treat.

I imagine it could go something like this:

Us:  "Hi, the inspector found out your house is sinking... do you think you could maybe pay someone to fix it before we move in with our precious baby who just moved up to size 2 diapers?" (I am obsessed with the fact that my baby has outgrown both newborn AND size 1 diapers FYI)
Them:  "No."
Us:  "Oh ok.  Termites are also eating your house -- can you get Terminex out to do a treatment?  We'll set it up and everything, but you should probably pay for it since it's still your house and all."
Them:  "No."
Us:  "Oh ok."
Us:  "Are you planning on replacing the garage door that looks as though it's been assaulted?"
Them:  "No."
Us:  "Great, thanks."

Thursday, May 12, 2011



I might stick a toothpick in my eye just to have something to take my mind off of this.  Or, if I can't muster up the courage, I'm quite certain that our realtor would take great pleasure in doing so herself because I am so annoying. 


6:05am [EMAIL to her in response to an email I received overnight with a suggestion]: "Good idea, you're the best!"  At least I'm complimentary, right?


waiting waiting why has she not responded??waiting waiting why has she not responded??waiting waiting why has she not responded??waiting waiting why has she not responded??waiting waiting why has she not responded??waiting waiting why has she not responded??waiting waiting why has she not responded??waiting waiting why has she not responded??waiting waiting why has she not responded??waiting waiting why has she not responded??waiting waiting why has she not responded??waiting waiting waiting waiting very impatiently, why has she not responded??  ISN'T EVERYONE UP WORKING AT 6:05AM?! 

8:02am [TEXT to her because I just cannot wait any longer]:  "Good morning!  I sent you an email re. the offer - just making sure you received it!" 

I know full well she received the email, by the way.  

8:39am [RIIIIING RIIIIIING!]:  "oh HI!  It's Ali.  Oh did I wake you up?"

I love you, Mr. House.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Bye Bye Books

Logie and I have just returned from Buy Buy Baby, where I managed to knock down a shelf full of books and also completely offend a woman at the checkout line.

It's not my fault they put the big plastic sign on top of the shelf with about -.5 millimeters of space, right by the book Logie wanted to see.  The sign fell, taking about 30 books CRASHING down along with it in the middle of the aisle.  And since nobody was in the store yet (who goes shopping at a store the second it opens?  Oh, someone who has been up for HOURS already, that's who), it made a really loud, continuous echoing sound.  I was about to hightail it away from the scene when a worker arrived to clean everything up.  Busted.  I said, "oh!  great!  I was about to come and find someone to let them know what happened."  [LIE] 

I waited another few seconds and also said, "oh, here, let me help you" while sticking out my arm, half-ass moving towards them with the stroller. Thinking the whole time, ''CAN'T YOU SEE I HAVE A BABY HERE?  I CAN'T BE PICKING UP BOOKS ON THE FLOOR.  I MIGHT GET A GERM."  "Oh, don't worry, I've got it" the worker said, clearly pissed.  "Are you sure??" I asked, as I wheeled Logie away. 

That happened about 3 minutes after I managed to unintentionally say something offensive to the only other woman who was shopping in the store.  As Logie and I strolled by, she said to her year-ish old daughter "look honey!  a BABY!  CAN YOU SAY BABY!  HI CUTE BABY!!!!!"  And I stopped and said, "aw thanks!  oh man!  I sure don't want my baby to ever get as big as YOUR baby!!"


WHO SAYS THAT?  I felt like such an ass.  And rightfully so.

Guess what we're doing tonight?  Going to look at more houses!  Woot Woot!  I think I made our realtor a little nervous when I threatened to make an offer on a house when we had only been to about 5 open houses, so she stepped it into high gear and now we are on a fabulous house tour of Austin.  She said, "have you looked at other houses in the area, even if online?"  And I said, "oh yeah.  I know all about the area."  Well, apparently not, since out of the 54 houses she then sent me, I like about 40 of them and had never seen them...  Who has time to look at houses all day!!!!!??????????????????  Forget building!  Demented thinking we could pull that off right now. 


Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Musical Food

Sorry I ate those beans for dinner the other night, Logie. 

Maybe that's a little TMI, but what's an Austin Ali post without something to make everyone feel just a little on the uncomfortable side?  I get that not everyone (ie. NOBODY) wants to hear about your kid's poop and/or gas habits, but boy do I love a little #2 talk.  In fact, a few weeks ago I emailed Lizum and said, "please please PLEASE can I send you a picture of Logan's diaper from just now????"  And she replied, "no. If I wanted to see dirty diapers, I'd have a kid." Which I thought was brilliant. 


We are moving in the right direction in the hip department.  Unfortunately we didn't get to go down to just 12 hours a day yet, but I'll take the 6 we were given.  He was the happiest I have EVER seen him yesterday when we had it off, which was so great to see and also heartbreaking at the same time.

Who, me?  Need a nap?  Nah.  Thanks though.
Um HELLO CUTIE!!!!!!!!!!!  Don't worry, Logan still has arms.  They are just all swaddled up in his sleep sack so he doesn't accidentally rip his eyes out in his sleep like he's been trying to do lately.  He'll pretend fuss at night and when I go up to his crib, he sees me and then busts out this huge grin... one that says, "suckeeer!!!!" 

Look at him without his harness!!!!  It was like a different baby arrived at my house yesterday after I ripped it off after his ultrasound appointment.  He had grown so much! 

14 weeks!  WTF.
For context, here are two more pictures with Lil Willis, good old steady eddy that he is:

And another:

he was rolling all around in this one. 

Where are the two month pictures, you ask?  Still on The Good Camera.  I'll probably download those after Logie's 3rd birthday party.

I've missed you guys!  See you soon.