No More Cleaning for You

I think the problem that I have with cleaning is that as soon as you finish, things start to get dirty again.  Why can't things just stay clean?  I mean, how often is one really expected to scrub a toilet?  Dust bunnies form for a reason.  If you just wait a while, the dust does all the work for you and you can just pick it up by the handful.

Willis came out of the guest bathroom the other day and said, "I scrubbed that nasty mold ring in the toilet."  And I thought to myself, "Yeah, big deal.  I scrubbed that 2 weeks ago."  Maybe I have selective seeing when it comes to these things.

I decided to get rid of our cleaners when I knew I wouldn't be working anymore (I will be the best cleaner ever!!  I'll clean while dinner is in the oven!!!).  While these last cleaners were pretty run-of-the-mill, my history with cleaning people hasn't exactly been conventional.  Let's summarize.

• Amparo famously dumped me one day via note (on my stolen work stationary).  There are two reasons I think this happened.  (1)  The only English words she really knew how to say were "cash only", but I had to keep leaving her checks because I never had cash (and always forgot she was coming until I was flying out the door for work).  I didn't know her last name, so I just wrote the checks To the Order of Amparo.  (2) Amparo apparently didn't realize that part of her job description was dusting (and since she didn't speak English it was hard to go over this), so I left her a nicely worded note one morning (next to her check) that said "please pay more attention to dusting."  That night, I came home to The Note next to my key.  Perhaps she understood English better than I thought.



• Then there was Roger Cleaner (yes, this is what he called himself).  He was hired after I was fired from Amparo.  He showed up at my condo wearing $300 Diesel jeans and carrying a portfolio of his work.  I hired him on the spot.  I immediately regretted this decision and started wondering if maybe I was overpaying him since his clothes cost more money than mine, but I was still so burned from the Amparo dumping that I didn't really care.
• Fast forward to our move to Austin.  It was a few days before Christmas and my parents were coming to visit, and I'm fairly certain our place hadn't been cleaned since we moved (mid-October).  I was working from home and heard the sweet sound of a vacuum cleaner in the hallway.  I raced outside and met Lupita.  Long story short, Lupita sent her sister Rosa to help me, but when Rosa showed up with her 8 year old boy in tow (named Omar) who also started cleaning, guilt got the best of me.  I spent the whole time they were here trying to give Omar cookies, juice, etc.  I also spent the whole time concerned that child services was going to come pounding on my door, no thanks to Catherine who put this idea in my head.  Omar left here with Willis's Homer Simpson slippers, which he seemed really excited about, so I felt better. 
  

  

  Willis didn't miss the slippers until I mentioned I had given them away.

  

I have heard that once you have a baby, you have no energy or time to devote to cleaning.  I am quite certain this will be the case with me, since right now I don't have a baby or a job, and still don't have the energy or time to clean.