Crazy Cat Lady

We are down at Mimi and Pops' having a little vaca, but this can't wait.  BECAUSE THIS IS THE CRAZIEST SHIT THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME, AND I'VE HAD SOME CRAZY SHIT HAPPEN.

Here's the deal. 

I believe the woman who I hired to watch after the cats is on drugs, or completely out of her mind.  And we're not talking about the smokey-a-little-weed type drugs either.  Like hard core, take-a-vacation-from-coherency-for-a few-days type drugs.

Here's what went down.

I send a text message to her tonight (at 8:15pm) asking how the cats are doing, because I didn't get notification that she disabled the alarm.  Here's verbatim how the [text] conversation goes:

me:  Hi Tam - it's Ali - how are Sox and Daisy?
Tam:  I am on my easy under this as I look for more than organizeation to caret diamonds.
me:  ?
Tam:  Sorry...too much jewelry plan.  How did you do that?  She will fotget who you can fearful add to the bounty...guessing why and by next w

And that's it.  Nothing after that.  This, of course, concerns me.  So I immediately call.

me:  "Hi Tam, it's Ali, Sox and Daisy's mom."
Tam [sounding out of it]:  "Oh hi! I was just looking at my phone realizing I need to go see Sox and Daisy.  It's been really hectic today because of the cold front.  I plan to go at 8:30."
me:  "Isn't it 8:30 now?  Are you feeling ok?  What are you talking about diamonds and jewelry?"
Tam [laughing]:  "Oh, I talk about all of my animals like that.  They are all diamonds to me.  My baby diamonds."
me: "If you don't feel like going tonight you don't have to."
Tam:  "Nono, Sox and Daisy, [then repeats alarm code a few times], I did it right yesterday and I was really proud."

OHMYGOD.

Fast forward to my alarm being disabled (got an email) so I call.

She sounded very chipper and says "oh! I'm just lovin' on your babies here.   Oh!  you have a package!  It looks like a pound of something.  Pound of sugar, pound of flour, pound package?  Yes!  You know, it's so fun to move into a new a house.  They have that pound ceremony for you.  Oh, it's so great."
 

WWWWWWW.TTTTTTTTT.FFFFFFFFFF

So I say, "oh, that's so great Tam.  Listen, we're coming home early!  Job well done.  Can you please leave the key under the mat after you lock the door?  My neighbor who is a police officer is going to come by later tonight and pick it up.  It's so nice having a police officer as a neighbor.  You don't need to come back after tonight.  Thank you."

Then she apologized again for today being hectic because of the cold front.

ONLY AUSTIN ALI.  

ps - I alerted my neighbor to the situation after she disabled our alarm, so they were spying on her through their window I guess.  Apparently she was looking in my backyard for something.  And our dear friend who hates cats is stopping by tomorrow to make sure all is ok.