Sideburns

I won't go into an extraordinary amount of detail, but after I had Logan, several things about my appearance changed.  I don't just mean the obvious extra flab, pounds, and tiger stripe stretchies... or the constant state of dishevelment I'm in.  I mean things like:  rando "dark spots" all over my face even though I avoided sun like a vampire, a lone skin tag (ohmygodthatissodisgusting), and.... 

it's like a beard is sprouting out the side of my head.

sideburns.

WHATTHEFUCK!? 

I'm really at a loss as to what to do with these bad boys.  I mean, on one hand I could just leave them down, all harsh-like, but then I think I really look like a man.  And if I comb them back behind my ear, it ends up looking like this:

so... wispy.

All wispy-like. 

Do I shave them?  Use mousse?

SICK!