Bye Bye Books

Logie and I have just returned from Buy Buy Baby, where I managed to knock down a shelf full of books and also completely offend a woman at the checkout line.

It's not my fault they put the big plastic sign on top of the shelf with about -.5 millimeters of space, right by the book Logie wanted to see.  The sign fell, taking about 30 books CRASHING down along with it in the middle of the aisle.  And since nobody was in the store yet (who goes shopping at a store the second it opens?  Oh, someone who has been up for HOURS already, that's who), it made a really loud, continuous echoing sound.  I was about to hightail it away from the scene when a worker arrived to clean everything up.  Busted.  I said, "oh!  great!  I was about to come and find someone to let them know what happened."  [LIE] 

I waited another few seconds and also said, "oh, here, let me help you" while sticking out my arm, half-ass moving towards them with the stroller. Thinking the whole time, ''CAN'T YOU SEE I HAVE A BABY HERE?  I CAN'T BE PICKING UP BOOKS ON THE FLOOR.  I MIGHT GET A GERM."  "Oh, don't worry, I've got it" the worker said, clearly pissed.  "Are you sure??" I asked, as I wheeled Logie away. 

That happened about 3 minutes after I managed to unintentionally say something offensive to the only other woman who was shopping in the store.  As Logie and I strolled by, she said to her year-ish old daughter "look honey!  a BABY!  CAN YOU SAY BABY!  HI CUTE BABY!!!!!"  And I stopped and said, "aw thanks!  oh man!  I sure don't want my baby to ever get as big as YOUR baby!!"

W
T
F

WHO SAYS THAT?  I felt like such an ass.  And rightfully so.

Guess what we're doing tonight?  Going to look at more houses!  Woot Woot!  I think I made our realtor a little nervous when I threatened to make an offer on a house when we had only been to about 5 open houses, so she stepped it into high gear and now we are on a fabulous house tour of Austin.  She said, "have you looked at other houses in the area, even if online?"  And I said, "oh yeah.  I know all about the area."  Well, apparently not, since out of the 54 houses she then sent me, I like about 40 of them and had never seen them...  Who has time to look at houses all day!!!!!??????????????????  Forget building!  Demented thinking we could pull that off right now. 

Adios!

Musical Food

Sorry I ate those beans for dinner the other night, Logie. 

Maybe that's a little TMI, but what's an Austin Ali post without something to make everyone feel just a little on the uncomfortable side?  I get that not everyone (ie. NOBODY) wants to hear about your kid's poop and/or gas habits, but boy do I love a little #2 talk.  In fact, a few weeks ago I emailed Lizum and said, "please please PLEASE can I send you a picture of Logan's diaper from just now????"  And she replied, "no. If I wanted to see dirty diapers, I'd have a kid." Which I thought was brilliant. 

MISS ME??? 

We are moving in the right direction in the hip department.  Unfortunately we didn't get to go down to just 12 hours a day yet, but I'll take the 6 we were given.  He was the happiest I have EVER seen him yesterday when we had it off, which was so great to see and also heartbreaking at the same time.

Who, me?  Need a nap?  Nah.  Thanks though.

Um HELLO CUTIE!!!!!!!!!!!  Don't worry, Logan still has arms.  They are just all swaddled up in his sleep sack so he doesn't accidentally rip his eyes out in his sleep like he's been trying to do lately.  He'll pretend fuss at night and when I go up to his crib, he sees me and then busts out this huge grin... one that says, "suckeeer!!!!" 

Look at him without his harness!!!!  It was like a different baby arrived at my house yesterday after I ripped it off after his ultrasound appointment.  He had grown so much! 

14 weeks!  WTF.

For context, here are two more pictures with Lil Willis, good old steady eddy that he is:

omg.

And another:

he was rolling all around in this one. 

Where are the two month pictures, you ask?  Still on The Good Camera.  I'll probably download those after Logie's 3rd birthday party.

I've missed you guys!  See you soon. 

Hiatus

Instead of just leaving you high and dry, I thought I'd give you a head's up that I REALLY don't think I'm going to have time for Austin Ali for the next month or so. 

Poor Logie ended up having to get a little harness to treat his little hips because of how he was in the WOMB. And he is not a happy camper about it, and I can't blame him.  Poor baby can't move his legs down in it, and he can really only be on his back or his stomach.  I can't really put him down anywhere either without him crying. 

Forget sleeping. 

He has to wear it for 23 hours a day for a month, and then we will reevaluate and hopefully get to go down to 12 hours a day. 

Not posting a picture of him in it, but here is what he looks like in it, and it breaks my heart. 

So I just wanted to say a brief see-you-in-a-month-or-so when this is all hopefully behind us.

The Other Team

At least it's not a minivan.

When we realized that you had to literally JAM the carseat into the Audi in order to make it fit and when the brake place drove the Mazda without oil in it and blew up the engine (apparently that's a big no-no?), we realized Logan needed a new set of wheels. 

I personally LOVE my new ride.  Sure it might be a stay-wag and have mom-mobile written all over it, but she sure is roomy.  I can get the snap-n-go stroller in the way back with no problem, and I even have room for the full size diaper changing pad next to it.  (You wouldn't want Logie to have to get changed in a PUBLIC BATHROOM, NOW WOULD YOU!?)  Sure, I feel a little less cool blasting Ke$ha with the sunroof open these days, but you can't win them all. 

When Willis and I told Kari and Lise what kind of car we were getting during their half-drunken train ride back from NYC (we were all on speaker phone together like one big happy family), I had to cover my ears from the howling laughter that came through the Audi speakers. 

In unison:

Kari and Lise [in between screaming laughs]:  "OH IS THAT SO YOU CAN STRAP YOUR KAYAK TO THE TOP?"
Me:  "Hey!  I've really been wanting to go kayaking lately."
Kari and Lise [snorting away]:  "IS IT FOR ALL OF YOUR CAMPING GEAR?" 
Me:  "I went camping once!"
Willis and me:  "This car is VERY Austin."

When Jeff and Jess came to visit last weekend and I excitedly pointed her (Subaru) out in the restaurant parking lot, Jess asked, "is there something you want to tell us?  Have you started batting for the other team?" 

My bberry is unfortunately not allowing me to email at the moment, but don't you worry.  We just pimped her out and got the windows nice and tinted, so I'll be sure to post a picture once I'm back up and running. 

In the meantime...

The Chair

Logan is two months old today!  I can't really remember what has happened over the last 60 days, and I think that's with good reason.  Seriously.  I tried to remember last week and really couldn't -- it just all kind of blends together.

Our latest activity is Logan's refusal to sleep in a crib, even for a few minutes.  Which means if I want to get ANY sleep, I give in and let him sleep on me, in The Chair.  Last night this went on from 11:30pm until morning. 

Austin Ali readers, meet The Chair:

See that nice crib to the right?  Collecting dust.
There are granola bars in that basket on the bookshelf
for when Logan Bear holds me hostage. 
Sometimes I eat like 4 at a time as a meal.

Here.  Look a little closer.  We bought this chair about 3 months ago (yes it was new), and it already looks like some old man (no offense, Dad) has spent 77 of his 80 years on this earth swass-ing it up. 

eeew

To be clear, I don't have swass.  At least right now I don't.  I guess it looks that way from all of the rocking and shh-shhhh-it's-ok-ing it's been getting...??


Want to hear something funny?  I sent Kari a recording of Logan crying, and she tried to save it as the ringtone for when I call her (which I never do anymore).  Well, she accidentally set for when ANYONE calls her.  So, Logan is wailing away in Boston several times a day. 

And as some of you know, I also like to send around pictures of Logan Bear doing this:

I sent a few to Kari over the weekend, and her BBM response was this:

Kari:  "OMG.  All the pix add up to a lot of questions?"
Me:  "Yeah?  What questions?"
Kari, two days later:  "Haha, I was hammered when I wrote that.  I don't even know what it means."

HILARIOUS!

Bunchy McBuncherson

The other day I told Willis that I was going to go change into my PJs... to which he answered, "those aren't your PJs?"  I'm lookin' good, baby, good!!  For example:

I look like I have a VERY bad illness of some sort.

OK -- and can we talk about Logan's hairline?  How cute is that?!  He's all bald except for a few patches in the back.  He has also started doing this really funny burrowing-his-head-type thing into your chest when he sleeps while making a throaty grunting noise -- like he just can't take it anymore. 

I hear ya, buddy. 

And in case you were holding out on ordering Logan Bear's gift until after you found out his nicknames for the monogram design, here they are (in no particular order):

(1.)  Fussy McFusserson
(2.)  Bunchy McBuncherson
(3.)  Fussy Pants
(4.)  Party Pooper
(5.)  The General (this is interchangeable with The President, The Boss [not to be confused with Bruce Springsteen], etc.  You get the drift)

and last but not least, my personal favorite...

(6.)  Butthead*

*ok, this one might seem a little mean -- but he doesn't understand English yet (or any language for that matter), so when you say it in a really nice, high pitched baby voice, he thinks it is a term of endearment.

 

He loves his daddy.  LOOK.AT.THAT.HAIR...
...and the state of my living room -- Dear God!

Before I take off for my evening slumber (9pm-midnight), here's one last pic of my special boy:

I MEAN HAVE YOU EVER?!?!????  ME EITHER.  L.O.V.E.  H.I.M.

HELLO AGAIN!

What the hell happened to the last 2 weeks?!  I really had better intentions for Austin Ali. 

Here are a few snippets of the past two weeks.

Willis and I were able to go on 2 "dates" last week when Mimi was here (Mimi for President!) and as we were on our way to Date #2, it occurred to me that the only I thing I had to tell Willis about was the fact that I found Size 1 diapers with the pee indicator line on Amazon. 
Then I had 2 drinks and got hammered, according to my BREAST milk alcohol indicator test strips.  So, I PUMPED AND DUMPED as they say, while having another glass of wine.

Logan Bear's favorite new activity and facial expression.

In case you were wondering, here are a few examples of the conversations that go on in our house these days:

Me:  "Why do people DO this?  People who have more than one kid are demented."
Willis:  "Well once you are stuck with one, you might as well just keep it going, I guess?"

Willis [talking to Logan in a baby voice, while he's crying. AGAIN.]:  "Logan, can you BELIEVE that mommy was dying to have a baby?" 
Me:  "BULLSHIT!  YOU were the one who said that you weren't getting any younger!  This is your fault!" 

Me:  "This has to get better, otherwise people would just leave their kids places all the time."
Willis:  "You can't do that -- it's illegal."
Me:  "No you can legally just leave them at fire stations I think and they can't do anything to you."

Willis:  "Imagine if Logan can really understand English, and now every time we pass by a fire station he gets nervous?"

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In the here's-why-babies-must-be-worth-it camp, he's started to smile!  He has also started losing his hair, except for a big patch in the back (I think it looks like Donald Trump).  I make mohawks out of it while he's BREAST feeding. 

I tried to get his smile in a picture today, but this is all I got -- the half smile / knuckle sandwich pose:

I just realized  he's wearing the same shirt as above.
I swear we change his clothes every once in a while.

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I can count on one hand the number of times I've left my house since February 1st, and a Big Trip to Target happened to make the list.  That is were I found my future bathing suits:

Time for sleep!