Yesterday

Yesterday I went to an estate sale to continue my never ending quest for an antique four poster bed.  I found the whole experience quite grim... pilfering through a dead person's things and all... and I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

When I was leaving, there was a sad looking old man wearing overalls on the front porch, just sitting on the stoop.  Naturally, I decided to talk to him.

me:  "Oh, is this your house?"
sad looking old man wearing overalls:  [nods head yes]
me:  "Oh, I'm so sorry sir.  It must be really hard to see strangers going through all of your belongings like that.  And I'm sorry about your wife."
sad looking old man wearing overalls [SHOUTING because he is obviously hard of hearing]:  MA WAAFE IS JUST TAKIN' A LONG TIME SHOPPIN.'  I'M JUST A'WAITIN' HERE FOR HER."

Can you say ASS?
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Our neighbor's kid knocked on the door yesterday afternoon selling discount cards ("Would you like to buy a Tiger card?"  "Would I ever!!")  to local restaurants and the like that I'm sure we'll never use.  Thankfully I answered the door, because I'm quite certain Willis would've told him to take a hike.  Anyway, after I handed the kid $10 (from Willis's wallet), he said, "thanks.  You'll have the card on Monday probably."  So, as a joke, I stuck my finger out and said, all serious-like, "WE BETTER."  This poor kid looked like he had seen a ghost... HE WAS TERRIFIED. 

I felt terrible!!  I started laughing and said, "ohmygosh I'm totally kidding!  I don't care when we get the card.  Don't worry."  And he sort of half laughed and high tailed it home.  Turns out, 3rd graders don't really get my sense of humor.

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my cuddlebug

thanks for the prune juice mom, I feel lots better now.

Moving moving moving

I'm feeling a little awkward just sitting here while the movers pack up all of our stuff around me, but not awkward enough to help.  And I might seem impossible to please, but when I asked them if they were planning on writing out the contents of each box on the outside, they said, "oh.  yeah.  but we don't have any pens."  If you were planning on labeling everything, why didn't you bring pens?   He also asked me if I wanted them to pack all of our clothes that are in the closet.  I wonder - has anyone ever answered, "oh no thanks, we're going to just leave all of our clothes here and just get all new ones.  But thanks for the offer." 

This is the reason why I thought it would be best for everyone if I just tossed the guys the keys and got the hell out of here.  But when I asked the coordinator guy if I could leave while they were here, he said, "sure, that's fine - just take all of your valuables with you."  HUH?  That of course made me paranoid so I packed up all of our so-called valuables and made Willis put them in the trunk of the car.  Example:  #5 of Willis's to-do list yesterday:  "Take julep cups out of cabinet and put in bag." 

Don't worry, I did my research (hello, Angie's list, I pay you $5.95/mo for a reason!) and these guys scored the among the highest.  Mustang Movers.  "Strong, Fast & Dependable."  Mustang was right up there with Aloha Movers, but money talks and Mustang was $350 cheaper.  I enjoyed meeting the Aloha guy, though, because he showed up to give me a quote wearing a Hawaiian shirt.  He even said he was from Hawaii! 

As I sit here watching these guys bustle around, I'm also listening to my cats absolutely destroy the guest bathroom next to me.  Like it sounds like there is an 800 pound gorilla locked in a metal box that is trying to escape.  I think we just said farewell to any chance we had of getting back that pet deposit considering Daisy has managed to scratch the OUTSIDE of the bathroom door from the inside.  Those claws... 

I had to take off my engagement ring/wedding band because it was cutting off my circulation!  So that Logan doesn't appear to be illegitimate - NO OFFENSE ANYBODY - I think I might pick up a fakey at Macy's or something to wear until I'm not all puffy.

Happy Monday everyone!

Namaste

As I was driving today, I realized that when I talk to Logan in the car, I scream at him. 

"DO YOU LIKE THIS SONG, LOGAN?!!?" 

"ARE YOU READY FOR YOGA, LOGAN!???!?!?!" 

"NAMASTE LOGAN!!!!!" 

I don't know why I do this, but the poor kid is probably terrified of me.  Or he won't recognize me at the hospital during our first official meeting.  Actually scratch that - I will probably have screamed so much by that point he'll know for sure that it's me, so maybe it's a good thing I'm breaking him in early. 

Now onto yoga.  If there were yoga tryouts to get into this class, I wouldn't make the cut.  It's embarrassing, actually.  Today when the instructor said that we needed buddies for a certain pose, she made a beeline for me.  I'm thinking it's because she was afraid I was going to hurt the other students - like I'm a liability. 

This is a picture of what I don't look like at yoga.

I was just telling Willis that they do about 100 downward dogs per minute, and he said, "isn't that just standing there on your hands and feet?"  Hmph.  Try doing it with a human in YOUR belly, Willis!!!!!  Since he thinks it's so easy I asked him to do one so I could post the picture, but he said no.   Then he went to go check on the pot roast he prepared for us while I was taking a nap.

Each time the instructor says things like, "if you want to go to the next step, try ___"  or "to go deeper, do ____" I immediately tune her out and know she isn't talking to me.  I also loathe the word "deeper" but that's beside the point.  Today she said to me (after quarantining me from the rest of her students), "I'm glad that you have time to practice before you go into labor - this will really help."  Thanks, lady. 

Off to get ready for the big move which is happening on Monday.  Actually, I'm not really doing anything since they are going to be packing for us, too, but it makes me feel better to just organize and move stuff around a little.  And by organize and move stuff around a little, I mean sit on the couch. 

Namaste everybody!

You would NEVER believe what Little Willis got caught looking at
on the internet.  Dirty Birdy!!!!

Music

Does anyone else have a love/hate relationship with this song?  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkjljBNTLs4

Since the "Hits 1" station on Sirius seems to only be capable of playing the same 4 "hits" over and over each month, I have heard that song probably 467 times in the last week.  I find myself waiting on the edge of the seat for the guy to say the "aksjdalsdjaksldj AMERICANO!" part (which is all they say), tapping away until the next time they say it, and then finding myself really annoyed by the end.  But then it's in my head all day and I can't wait until the next time I hear it. 

When Hits 1 just gets too repetitive, I have been known to listen to The Blend, which Willis hates.  The Blend is described as, "Light Hits from the 80's, 90's and today with no rap or hard stuff."  Sometimes he won't realize that it's even on The Blend and will endure a few really awful songs before realizing that I was the last one messing with the radio. 

I am probably the least unhip person that you will ever meet when it comes to music (and it's entirely possible that I'm just generally unhip and not self aware enough to realize it).  Example #1:  Yesterday on the way to the doctor's office, Aaron Neville's "Everybody Plays the Fool" came on (The Blend, obv.) and I turned it up. 

When I was younger, I used to steal CDs from my dad's collection (along with both of my brothers - thanks, Adam, for Steve Miller Band's greatest hits, and Aaron for some Beastie Boys CDs that I hated but thought were cool to have). 

My Dad had a wall of CDs which I took upon myself to turn into my private music store every once in a while (more like regularly because he was always restocking them since his daughter kept stealing all of his CDs).  You might be thinking, "well that's why she's so unhip with music - she got all of her CDs from her dad's collection" but he actually had some pretty good stuff.  I skipped right over the good stuff, though, and went straight for the real winners.  Wilson Phillips.  Example #2 on how I am unhip with music - "Hold On" came on the radio the other day (yes, The Blend) and I was happy.

I pity my friends who received mix tapes from me growing up.  I remember thinking I was so edgy including Lisa Loeb's "Stay" on the mixes, along with a little Eagles' "Hotel California."  It's probably a good thing that we sold our Austin City Limits tickets this year, because even though there were going to be well over 100 bands, basically the only ones I recognized were Blues Traveler and Nora Jones.

Is Logan destined to be a loser?!

Vacation

When your doctor asks, "did you go on vacation recently?" after reviewing your weight difference from the previous month, it probably means that you've gained a few. 

I think we all know that I haven't been on vacation this month. 

After turning 100 shades of crimson followed by outloud laughing, all I could say was, "Halloween candy?"

So, ladies and gentlemen, the eating party is over.  I'm saying goodbye to my beloved Blue Bell ice cream after every meal, along with ordering cheesecake/key lime pie/fudge brownies after every meal we eat out.   I would say goodbye to the Halloween candy, but I polished off that bag last night.

The Halloween sugar cookies I made for the doctor's office staff didn't really help the problem, either.  I think I ate about 46 cookies over the course of 2 days.  You know, to make sure everything still tasted ok.  I also had to inhale half of the cookie dough in raw form to make sure that was ok, too.  (Don't worry, it was store bought so no risk of contaminating Baby Logan with salmonella.  I'm not THAT industrious.) 

The cookies were definitely a hit at the office, but there was one teeny tiny problem with the bag that I was planning on giving to the doc.  You see, when you have cats, they shed.  On everything.  So I had the bag in my hand, ready to give to the doctor when she came in the room, when I noticed a white Sox hair on the left wing of her bat cookie. 

I had Willis inspect it, too, and he was able to move the hair onto the plastic, but it was still in there.  It was like we were playing hot potato with the cookies (which were all broken by this point), and I could hear her outside the door.

Willis:  "You can't really see the hair now that it's on the plastic part." 
me:  "We can't give her hairy cookies!  We have to throw it away.  Hurry!  Just hide it under my sweater."

So Willis shoved the bag under my sweater just in time. 

The problem is, I had given about 10 bags out to all of the various office staff I encountered.  (In retrospect, I should have skipped that mean woman who weighed me, but hindsight is 20/20 as they say...)  So now I'm worried that my doctor now thinks I don't like her since I gave everyone cookies but her. 

On my way out, I shoved the bag (along with the gift bag that was carrying all of the cookies) into the trash can in the exam room.  What if she sees it?  And what if all of the other cookies are infested with cat hair, too?  I am never doing THAT again.

In case you can't believe that I am capable of making cookies, here is proof:

They sort of looked like blobs at first.

More blobs

It turns out you can use the cookie cutters AFTER they bake, too.

Wonder how many cat hairs are there....



Who, me?  Shed?



Belly Mold (not to be confused with Jell-o mold)



I would like to say a special thank you to Tyll for bring this to my attention.

Are these people for real?  I cannot imagine what I do if I walked into someone's house and saw a painted mold of their prego belly (and boobs) on the wall.  I saw on an old episode of Kendra (Go Kendra!  Go Kendra!) that she was using hers as a centerpiece for Thanksgiving, but at the time I didn't think it was something that was so readily available.  And, since she is an ex Playboy model, it didn't seem all that strange.  The only thing I can imagine this would be good for is if you were going on a serious diet - you could do a before and after mold and proudly display it in your kitchen as a reminder of how things used to be (are you SURE you need that last cookie?).  Oh, and in case you are interested, you can get one of these gems for yourself at http://www.proudbody.com/ .

In other news, I feel like I am getting a glimpse of what it's like to be 80 years old with the amount of supplements, pills, etc. I am taking (no offense, Mom and Dad.... AHAAHA just kidding).  Are you aware you need 1500 mgs of calcium a DAY when you are responsible for growing another human [alien]!?

I highly recommend the passion fruit Tums.  Bedtime snack with a twist!

And in case you weren't convinced about me being 80, here is more proof:

It's too bunchy to wear under your clothes.

Off for a walk on the trail since it's such a nice day!  Last time I attempted this, Baby Evan decided to make my sides feel like they were ripping apart from the rest of my body, and a nice woman stopped to make sure I was ok because she thought I was in labor.  [Google Round Ligament Pain for further reading.]

brown paper bag

Just in case you were wondering, I've gained over 17 pounds.  Baby Evan/Logan weighs 1.  YIKES!  After this discovery I was about to go breathe into a brown paper bag, but I can't seem to peel myself away from the miners coverage.  I guess I shouldn't be that surprised since I'm having dessert with every meal (if I can't have wine I'll have cheesecake!) and eating Halloween candy by the handful.  It's probably good they are individually wrapped, because that slows me down a little.  Maybe I should calm down.

Have to cut it short to get ready for a pediatrician office tour (so cute!), but I thought I'd pass along some pictures of items that are either in my life now, or might be in the future.

Jane Fonda needed a little support. 

I actually own one of these.  The Snoogle.



Is this so you can clean your house at the same time?



Hair

I would consider myself very low maintenance when it comes to hair.  Since moving to Texas, nine times out of ten I don't even take a dryer to it - I just slick it back into a bun.  I'm not sure it's the most becoming 'do in the world, but hair drying to me ranks up there with cleaning... I find it almost unbearable.

I stopped by a random hair place in a strip mall last week for a trim (see first paragraph), since it had been months and months since my last cut.  I didn't want ANY funny business - no layers, nothing - just a trim.  Each time I'm in the haircut hot seat I feel like I'm bullied into a cut I don't want, similar to going to My Nails in Boston for a brow wax (you're on the table with a hot wax stick waving an inch above your face while they keep saying, "Uppah Lih?  Uppah Lih?" until you have to physically restrain them from waxing your upper lip). 

But, I digress.

Once again, even though in my head I said that I would be firm about TRIM ONLY, I had no choice but to go ahead with Margot's plan.  "I can under-cut it so it curls under on it's own!"  Go for it, Margot.  "How about a few layers to frame your face?"  That sounds great, Margot.  Once again I was defeated. 

I used to be a much bigger risk-taker with my hair.  When I first lived in Boston I decided that I wanted the cut that Gwyneth Paltrow had in my favorite movie at the time, Sliding Doors.  Picture in hand, I had the owner of Leeba Salon on Comm Ave go to town.  I thought it looked pretty good when I left the salon, but the next morning when I tried to do it on my own, it was HEINOUS.  I couldn't even put it behind my ear, and it was really puffy around my face and poodle-like in the back.  I looked like a man.  From all angles. 

The next day, I marched back into the salon sporting my heinous cut and holding the picture, and made a teeny tiny scene.  Saleeba was with a client, but I couldn't wait. 

Me, standing in the front of the salon, looking ridiculous in every way and for all to see:  "THIS [angrily pointing to my hair], is NOT THIS!!!!" [holding up the Gwynny pic]

Saleeba excused himself from his client and took me aside.  I was expecting an apology, but got nothing of the sort.  He said something along the lines of,  "I can cut your hair any way you like, but you will never look like Gwyneth Paltrow."

Ouch!  I got schooled! 

I don't think I have to tell you that I never went back to Leeba Salon, and I spent the next year plotting revenge against Saleeba while growing out my hair. 


I don't think it's a coincidence that my mother thought Catherine and I were dating during this time.

Prego Dreams

As it turns out, when you're pregnant, you have really weird dreams.  I had always heard this, but didn't realize just how weird until one of my naps last week.

Speaking of naps:  Since my "retirement," I have lots of time on my hands, so am reading no less than 12 prego/childcare/nursing books all at the same time.  I am in information overload. 

I am hoping it is for this reason that I had a vivid dream I was breastfeeding my cat.

I was in the car, being driven around (per usual) by who I assume is Willis.  I was so happy that little Millie was really "latching on" and that everything was going well.  But I looked down, and instead of Millie, it was Sox!!!  I remember thinking in my dream, "well this doesn't seem right" - but I just went with it.

I never thought that I could feel awkward around an animal until now....