TMI

Don't worry, I'm not going to post a picture of the stretch marks that I found recently that seem to have been hiding from me.  But I'll tell you all about them.  They are the REAL DEAL, ladies and gentlemen.  The real deal.  I had gotten a bit cocky thinking that the $50 tiny vial of prego woman stretch mark prevention stuff had really worked, and I think it is for that reason they happened.  I jinxed it big time.  I gasped when I saw them for the first time, and also shouted for Willis to HURRY! for a second opinion to make sure I wasn't hallucinating.  I wasn't.  Willis told me that they aren't that bad, but he's lying [smart man] - they are.  Like deep ridges.  Grand Canyon-ish. 

Interruption for one brief second:  Logan is kicking me to death right now!  I think he wants to tell you all hello.  Or maybe the hot laptop is giving him swass.  Did I tell you he also doesn't like it when I try and sleep on my right side?  He jams his elbow into my hip until I roll back over.  Then he's nice and happy and leaves me alone.  It was really funny for a few days but now my left side goes completely numb every morning because I can't roll over.  Logan!  (It's ok, Logan.  Shh it's ok.)

OK - back.  The other night Willis looked over as I was intently staring at my belly and said, "aw, is Logan kicking again?" to which I answered, "no, he's sleeping.  I'm just playing with this inch-long hair that has sprouted beside my belly button.  Wanna see it?"  (He didn't.)  It's not a gross hair or anything - just a tiny white wisp that just seems to keep getting longer.  It's nice and soft, too. 

See, I think most people don't openly talk about stuff like stretch marks and rogue wispy hairs as a matter of practice.  Probably for good reason, you say?  Well, I just can't seem to stop sharing.  If someone asks me a question, I'm going to answer it.  Honestly.  (I don't mean total strangers, mind you.)  Wrong or not, it's who I am.  We were out to dinner with a friend of mine from college the other night who was asking me prego-related questions (she and her husband decided they are not having kids - and yes, they arrived at that decision BEFORE they dined with me).  "How are you sleeping?"  "Like shit."  "Are you uncomfortable?"  "Generally speaking, yes."  "Do you like being pregnant?"  "I like several aspects of being pregnant, sure." 

We were laughing about it, but then on the way home I asked Willis, "do you think that when most people are asked how they are feeling about things, they just answer that everything is great, and don't complain?"  And to be honest, I actually can't remember what his answer was, because I'm too tired from not sleeping (due to my horrific back pain)... 

I'm sure you are dying to know his answer, so I'll be sure to ask him - maybe in the middle of the night when we are in one of our [nightly] sleep wars over his snoring.  He is usually half asleep, so he says really catchy things that don't make any sense after I scream at him.  The other night (after I yelled at him to roll over and shut-the-f-up) his offering to the fight table was, "ZIIIING!"  And I said, "Zing?!  That's what you've got!?"  To which he rolled back over and started snoring again.  A personal favorite and old standby is when he screams, "excuse me for breathing!" 

Night!

I would have already shoved a sock in his
mouth if I was that woman.