SCORPION

How was your Saturday night?  That's good.  Oh, my Saturday night?  Traumatic is the word that comes to mind.  That's because a SCORPION decided that he wanted to come in from the cold and scare the shit out of me and almost eat my cat.  Yes, a scorpion. 

This is a picture of Willis after he captured the scorpion. 
We are actually living in a Four Runner down by the river.

I was about to fill up my huge trucker mug full of ice water and head to bed (it was 9pm) when I noticed that Sox was very interested in the front door area.  Like on high alert.  He was jumping up a little and pouncing down - sort of like a pony that's excited.  Then I noticed this THING sliver past him.  Apparently I shouted, "oh my god it's a centipede!  OH MY GOD NO IT'S A F*CKING SCORPION!  A SCORPION!!!!!" before I grabbed Sox by the tail, slung him over my shoulder, ran to the bedroom and slammed the door.  Fight or flight, baby.  Let's discuss the fact that I left Daisy there to fend for herself another day. 

As soon as I got inside the bedroom I heard Willis say, "it's ok, I have him trapped under this cup, don't worry" which really surprised me because if it had been any other stinging insect, Willis would have pushed me down and barrelled right over me to get to safety.  He was even whistling while he worked. 

I was shouting for Willis to kill it as he was giving me play-by-plays from the kitchen. 

Willis: "Do we have any heavy card stock paper?" 
me, shrieking in the bedroom on the verge of tears because that's what pregnant ladies do - cry:  "WHAT THE F*CK DO YOU NEED HEAVY CARD STOCK PAPER FOR RIGHT NOW?!" 
Willis:  "So I can scoop him up and put him back outside." 
me:  "HUH!?" 

So, that's what Willis did.  He scooped up that little ass hole, took him across the parking lot, and let him go on the other side of the building.  If it were me I would have squashed that little f*cker to pieces and then smeared it all over the front door to show the rest of the scorpions who's boss, but I was too busy hiding and screaming. 

I asked my masseuse today if this was a normal occurrence or if maybe that was the only scorpion in all of Texas (one can hope), and she said, "well you won't see them like ants, but they're around."  Not the answer I was looking for.  

Mountain Pose

In more relaxing news, I found a different yoga class that is way more my speed (remedial).  Over breakfast I was telling Willis about it and how they have you return to Mountain Pose a lot, and he said it sounds like just a bunch of standing around to him.  Precisely.

Anyway, today during a bathroom break at my new class I looked down and noticed a little beetle on his back flailing his little legs all around, not able to get himself back up.  I felt bad for the beetle so I helped him get back on his feet, then hoped that good bug karma was getting sent around for me and the scorpions would leave us alone.

OK, off to take a nap now while Willis is out hunting and gathering our dinner (ie. finishing watching football and bringing home dinner from the bar.  Fun fact of the day - he's been giving me demerits today but won't tell me what for and so far I'm up to 8 out of 10).  Wtf?

Bye!